Episode 83: Looking At Affairs Part II

Red flags to look out for & how to deal with an affair

podcast ep 83.png

Continuing on from part 1 with the idea that monogamy can no longer be safely assumed in the modern relationship arena, what can we do?

How can we continue to have honest and open discussions around the strong possibility that at some point temptation will present? Denial and refusal to have the challenging conversations can leave us very vulnerable indeed.

In this episode, we explore possible red flags that our partner could be engaging in an affair. What can we watch out for?

How do we then begin to approach the situation? Are we even ready to approach the situation and risk that the truth might be very confronting indeed? Sometimes if we confide in friends or family, their good intentions but their own baggage around infidelity can force us to take action before we are ready.

Episode 82: Looking At Affairs Part I

Challenging assumptions about why people are unfaithful

podcast ep 82.png

The way the modern relational landscape is moving it has never been more important than now to begin to examine some of our outdated assumptions about why people are unfaithful.

As long as there has been committed relationships there have been affairs. We need to be able to accept that they happen and begin to work out better ways to approach and deal with them when they do.

The idea that "It will never happen to me!" is a very high risk idea to hold. How can we have more open and honest conversations with our partner regarding the inevitable times that we may find ourselves attracted and fascinated by another? Refusing to look at the things that can threaten our idea of a stable relationship isn't a safe way to go.

If we understand that things can and do change despite our best intentions then we can better deal with and face reality.

Episode 81: How the Talented View Feedback

How can I use feedback to better enrich my life?

podcast ep 81.png

Those that excel in their chosen field of endeavour have a very different relationship and idea of feedback than the rest of us. Feedback and peer review is an opportunity for advancement. It is an essential tool for improving in life, love and business.

How can we get better at utilising feedback to advance?

This episode looks at what the successful tend to do regarding feedback and getting the most out of it for themselves.

When we are truly open to enquiry about our present methods and approaches to life we increase our ability to reduce problems and maximise opportunities.

How do I become the kind of person who can really hear others rather than letting my own defences and attachments get in the way?

Episode 80: Getting My Kids to Listen to Me

How do I as a parent make it easier for my kids to hear me?

podcast ep 80.png

Modern parenting is challenging and one of those challenges is getting the kids to listen to our sage words of parenting wisdom! The reality is we can't make anyone listen who doesn't want to but we may be able to maximise our chances of increased receptivity in our children.

This episode looks at some of the ways that parents get in their own way when trying to lovingly guide their children through the journey of life. One way to get our kids to listen to us more is we must first listen to them more!

Despite our wise words children still tend to respond both consciously and unconsciously to what we do rather than what we say.


Episode 79: Romantic Relationships and Boundaries

Strengthen your romantic relationship by discussing boundaries

podcast ep 79.png

Boundaries in romantic relationships are so important and add to connection or distance depending on how we respond to them. Boundaries are about what is and isn't ok in relationship for us, and it is very likely that our partner’s ideas, or at least some of them, will be different from ours.

Boundaries in relationships is a vast area and will vary from couple to couple. However, there are ways to approach the discussion of boundaries in a way that can maximise receptivity. If done well and from a place of calm non-reactivity it can greatly add to the strength of the relationship.

I hope this episode gives you some strategies for maximising success with healthy boundary setting!

Episode 78: Symptoms of How a Family Manages Grief

How can we process our loss in a healthy way?

podcast ep 78.png

The loss of a dearly loved one is painful! These moments in life can have a very significant effect on individuals but also on the whole family system. A family can be pulled apart by their grief and unresolved conflicts resurface at this time or we can come together with greater compassion, love and closeness than ever before.

One way in which we can manage the experience is to over focus and over worry about others. It is important to be present to support and love those who are experiencing the loss with us but not as a distraction to being in our own process.

Reactivity is heightened at this time so we need to be extra mindful around bringing up challenging issues or addressing old wounds. How can we support others but stay present for ourselves and work out what we need to process our loss in a healthy way?

If approached effectively we can turn great pain into an opportunity to create even healthier closeness in our family.

Episode 77: Tips for Starting The Second Family

How to create the best new family dynamic we can

podcast ep 77.png

The most rapidly growing relationship style is the remarried or step family relationship. Some individuals are not only on their second family but beginning the third.

It is important to know what can make this journey so much more challenging for not only the new couple but the children they bring into the new arrangement.

How can we best support the children, ourselves and our present partner going forward to create the best new family dynamic we can?

Through developing a better understanding of what awaits we can plan for how best to meet our challenges.

I really hope this episode informs you of what will need to be addressed. All the best!


Episode 76: Keeping Our Romantic Relationship Healthy

Keep the magic and desire alive

podcast ep 76.png

Modern relationships are changing and under pressure like never before thanks to all the external demands of our everyday lives, career and social pressures.

The thinking and expectations for people have changed around relationships and it has never been easier than now to leave if it isn't working out.

This episode looks at some key elements for helping us to create stability in our relationships whilst also keeping alive the magic and desire. 

Relationships no matter how suitable require continued work and investment. It can become so easy in the face of all our modern life demands to push our romantic relationship to the back. Do this continually and we really begin to put ourselves on unsteady ground!

I hope this episode provides some important touch points to help support successful relating!

Episode 75: Over Involved at Work and Under Involved at Home

How much time are we spending where?

podcast ep 75.png

Do I consistently bring my best thinking and most positive self to the business, whilst family and home is where I go to shut down?

Nothing wrong with the home being a place to regenerate, but if all our family sees is our most shut down, preoccupied self it really leaves our relationships vulnerable long term.

It can be so easy to slip into these patterns as a relationship progresses, especially if our family model was something like, dad worked all the time and mum looked after the kids. When dad came home he wasn't to be disturbed and we came to expect very little contribution from him on the family front.

It is amazing to go after a great career or build a dynamic business but if it comes at the consistent neglect of those we claim to be doing it for or who supposedly mean the most to us then some rebalancing might be needed. If not we can lose it all.

Episode 74: Enjoying Success Without The Guilt

Embracing our success

podcast ep 74.png

Many of us learned a healthy work ethic from our family system. However, what many of us didn't learn was a healthy reward ethic!

Entrepreneurs, businesses owners and anyone working towards success and financial reward, may find that when they get there they are filled with guilt about taking advantage of what they have achieved.

What will my family think? What will my staff think?

Part of adult maturity is being able to see objectively both the strengths and weaknesses of the family system, tribe that we grew up in. Going forward we want to be the kind of people who can model healthy giving without draining ourselves and healthy receiving which isn't followed by a guilt, lack of deserving attack!

When we learn to functionally embrace our success and what comes with it, we give others permission to do the same.

I hope you find the episode helpful!

Episode 73: Recognising Power Plays

What kind of power dynamic am I in right now? 

podcast ep 73.png

The ability to become aware of what type of power game others have got you in can be vital to avoid being exploited! 

Power With means that we are working to achieve our goals and desires but not at the expense of others. People playing Power Over however are doing things very differently and are counting on the fact that you won't recognise what they are doing.

Backhanded insults, withholding important information, consistent misunderstandings at your expense are all part of the game for those looking to only advance themselves. 

Learning not to buy into their clever justifications but rather look at the consistent trail of behaviour can really assist you in understanding exactly what you are up against and how to best respond.

Episode 72: Insights Into Gaslighting

Understanding the manipulative strategies of gaslighting

podcast ep 72.png

Gaslighting, deliberately influencing another's perception of reality for advantage takes many forms.

This is a vast topic with many ways to keep someone in the dark, misinformed, defensive and off balance. Episode 72 looks at some of the strategies that are employed to exploit people. Through understanding and greater recognition, we aren't left as vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Some exploiters have greater elegance and facility than others and can use a number of these tactics together in order to create for themselves the impression they want to foster.

There are individuals who have no issue employing whatever tactics allow them to impression manage, take advantage, misdirect and avoid taking responsibility for poor behaviour.

I hope this episode helps to raise awareness.

Episode 71: Dealing With Covertly Aggressive People

How to understand and approach fundamentally aggressive people

podcast ep 71.png

It is wonderful to see that in business we are moving more towards embracing emotional intelligence and that the psychological safety of people in the workplace is a key component to more profit.

However, with the move towards more feelings sensitivity, there may be some unexpected downsides. This type of environment could make it easier for covertly aggressive people to avoid detection and promote their win at all costs agendas!

There are individuals who employ any tactic available to keep themselves in a position of advantage over others. They do not have self-esteem issues, little self-doubt and little consideration for what others will think of their behaviour. The idea that people will keep away from conflict unless they absolutely have to doesn't apply here. This episode is inspired by some of the work that is emerging through such people as Dr George Simon author of In Sheep's Clothing, Dr David Schnarch author of Brain Talk and Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie.

A more expanded understanding and approach to fundamentally aggressive people is needed not only for the victim's but for the effective management of the different aggressive types too.

Episode 70: I Apologise For How I Apologise

How to apologise effectively

podcast ep 70.png

Ever been on the receiving end of a hollow or what you felt was an insincere apology? There is a way to apologise effectively and then there are plenty of ways to deliver an apology that can lead to more disconnection and frustration.

The ability to deliver an apology that works can leave the receiver feeling acknowledged and validated. Who wouldn't want that?

This episode looks at what to do to deliver an apology that works and also what doesn't work. Genuine apologies lead to repair and this leads to us feeling safe in our relationships both in the workplace and at home!

Episode 69: Artful Vulnerability in Conversation

Promote deeper, richer connection between ourselves and others.

podcast ep 69.png

Ever tried to have a conversation with someone where you thought you'd risk showing yourself only to find that you came away feeling frustrated and unacknowledged?

The ability to share effectively in conversation relies on both parties involved. There is the responsibility of the sender and the responsibility of the receiver. This episode looks at the message sender and what we can do to promote deeper, richer connection between ourselves and others.

What are some of the key elements to consider when we want to share with another, things that are important to us and also leave us feeling a little raw. How do we take conversational risks in genuine vulnerability whilst doing the best we can to maximise a good conversational result for both the sender and the receiver?

Having more tools and strategies around effective conversation is just so vital to the ongoing health of both our personal and professional relationships.

Episode 68: All or Nothing Under Stress

How to manage extreme responses & grow in confidence

podcast ep 68.png

Human beings are prone to either over responding or under responding in moments of stress. What this can translate to is our intention to deal with an already stressful situation is actually made worse through our response.

Through self-reflection of the ways in which we can have extreme responses either to acute or chronic stress situations, we will be able to better support self. If we are able to stay in a more moderate space of responsiveness that is more realistic as a response, the solutions can more readily emerge.

Challenging situations will present, so how do we prepare ourselves for more resourceful responses that will allow us to grow in confidence? Through awareness of when we are responding in extremes, we increase our ability to self-correct and get more of what we want.

Episode 67: Art of Giving

Giving to others from a place of joy rather than resentment

podcast ep 67.png

When we give to get this can often blow up on us and leave us feeling resentful!

What space am I giving from? In relationships be that with a friend, romantic partner or in business, there are times when I have engaged in giving purely because I had an agenda and expectation for myself.

I am going to keep score of what I have done for you and what you have done for me. I am ahead, so now you owe me! This type of approach and conditional giving can weaken relationships rather than strengthen them.

How do we give to others from a place of joy, non-attachment and never at the detriment of ourselves? How do I include myself in a loving way when it comes to giving to others?


Episode 66: Bouncing Back From Failure

Manage mistakes without losing confidence

podcast ep 66.png

It is important to have a method in place to overcome or move through potential failures and short comings. How do we get up and going again after our beloved business vision fell flat or seems to be heading in that direction.

The most effective business people are those that have a way to manage mistakes without losing confidence, freezing up and grinding to a halt. 

Having a bounce back plan in place before you begin can really help you to take the risk and the steps of courage you need to take in order to put your value out into the world!

Episode 65: Dealing with Internal Put Downs

How to set boundaries against negative self talk

podcast ep 65.png

We have become so skilled at denying our own inner lovingness, worth and value.

I can't remember where I heard this description about the Ego but I like it! Our Ego is our self loathing disguised as our self love! We have become masters at arguing very effectively with ourself about our own limitations. 

How do we set internal boundaries against seductive self talk that tries to convince us that we aren't enough!

Just because it feels real doesn't mean it is. I hope you find this episode assists you in staying connected to the magic of who you are!

Episode 64: Toxic Behaviour and Antisocial Empathy

How empathy can be used for exploitation and cruelty

podcast ep 64.png

Trigger Warning! You may find the content of this Episode confronting to hear, so listener discretion advised.

Empathy is a survival skill. Having awareness of the feelings of others can be really helpful for keeping oneself alive. However, there is mostly a focus on prosocial empathy where I am aware of your feelings and respond to them in a sympathetic manner. Antisocial empathy is a different kettle of fish altogether.

If I am to deliberately exploit you then it stands to reason that I must be able to track to some degree the way you are thinking and feeling. The more empathy I have the greater my compassion can be or on the flip side my cruelty. 

I have always tended to assume the best in others and that has made me highly vulnerable at times to being exploited both personally and professionally. Dr David Schnarch explains antisocial empathy and some of what is now being discovered in the latest research in his amazing book Brain Talk. This episode is inspired by his work. 

Correction in Episode: Robert Titchener - American Psychologist coined the word Empathy in 1909.

When we can see the reality of an experience, even if it is hard to face, we can truly heal!