Intimacy

Episode 79: Romantic Relationships and Boundaries

Strengthen your romantic relationship by discussing boundaries

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Boundaries in romantic relationships are so important and add to connection or distance depending on how we respond to them. Boundaries are about what is and isn't ok in relationship for us, and it is very likely that our partner’s ideas, or at least some of them, will be different from ours.

Boundaries in relationships is a vast area and will vary from couple to couple. However, there are ways to approach the discussion of boundaries in a way that can maximise receptivity. If done well and from a place of calm non-reactivity it can greatly add to the strength of the relationship.

I hope this episode gives you some strategies for maximising success with healthy boundary setting!

Episode 70: I Apologise For How I Apologise

How to apologise effectively

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Ever been on the receiving end of a hollow or what you felt was an insincere apology? There is a way to apologise effectively and then there are plenty of ways to deliver an apology that can lead to more disconnection and frustration.

The ability to deliver an apology that works can leave the receiver feeling acknowledged and validated. Who wouldn't want that?

This episode looks at what to do to deliver an apology that works and also what doesn't work. Genuine apologies lead to repair and this leads to us feeling safe in our relationships both in the workplace and at home!

Episode 63: Picking A Romantic Partner

Laying the foundation for healthy relationships

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This episode is inspired by the number of people with whom I have worked who are tired of playing out the same painful dynamics in relationship, time and time again.

What can we do to ensure that we are giving ourselves the best opportunities to attract in people with whom we can work together to have healthy, stable yet passionate relationship dynamics?

Starting from a place where we feel equal to our partner not superior too or less than is a good commencing point and sets up good foundation.

Failed relationships can cost us so much emotionally, financially, spiritually and even physically. Hopefully this episode provides you with some navigation points to help maximise relationship success.


Episode 56: Two Key Pressures In Relationship

Reduce resentment, and build desire, passion and connection

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Long-term stable relationships are wonderful but they can also trigger old relationship patterns from our Family of Origin in how to manage anxiety and intimacy. Depending on what type of Family system we grew up in we may not have the most workable skill sets on board to make it work effectively long term.

This episode is inspired by the book, Growing Yourself Up by Jenny Brown who is a family system specialist. 

Through exploring these two potential points of stress covered in this episode that can emerge in the relationship we can reduce resentment and build the desire, passion and connection.

I hope you find value and insight in this episode that helps to support you having amazing relationship going forward!

Episode 51: Emotional Fusing In Relationship

Is it Love or just Emotional Fusing that you are experiencing in your relationship?

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When we grow up in family systems that didn't foster and support our right to individuality, we learn that love involves unhealthy fusing. (Eg: When mum was unhappy, everyone was unhappy!)

This episode draws from the wonderful work of Dr David Schnarch and in particular his book Passionate Marriage.

The episode goes through some elements of unhealthy emotional fusing dynamics and how it leads to couples feeling alienated from one another.

This episode is designed to point out some of the exchanges to avoid so that we are able to have a truly wonderful and meaningful connection in our relationships, taking our relational experience to a whole other level!

Episode 50: Fostering Intimacy

How intimacy transforms relationships

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With so many relationships not going the distance and people in relationship wishing for a more intimate connection with their partner, what is missing?

Many people express a desire to be more intimate and then find that they are unable to sit in the vulnerability that arises as a result. Instead of challenging our partners to be closer, the paradox is we need to examine and understand what it takes for us to be closer.

This episode looks at some of the differences in Self Validated Intimacy vs Other Validated Intimacy and what are the consequences in relationship when we adopt either pathway to attempt to bridge the gap between self and another.

When we can really begin to know who we are, validate that and not be reliant on solely the positive reflection of our partner to feel good about self, relationships can transform!

Episode 47: Identifying Emotional Abuse

Identify toxic patterns in relationships

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When we look at abuse in relationships there can be both physical and non-physical. Both are stunningly toxic and damaging!

In this episode, we look at continuing to develop our understanding of the impact of non-physical abuse because it is so pervasive. Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse, but episode 47 looks at the often more subtle abusive patterns that over time erode our self-belief, self-trust and self-esteem. This can leave us feeling unloveable.

When we can identify these toxic patterns, such as the various ways in which our partner can withhold from us to modify our behaviour, we can make changes and set boundaries.

Through identifying emotional abuse patterns we can begin to heal and move towards healthy, joyous, loving connection in relationships.

Trigger Warning: Some people may find some of this episode confronting, please make sure you seek appropriate support.

Episode 43: Understanding Verbal Abuse

Elements that make up Verbal Abuse in relationships

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Verbal like physical abuse happens behind closed doors and the victim can feel isolated, confused and as if they somehow are to blame.

This episode uses Patricia Evans' insightful book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" as a reference and a resource.

Through understanding some of the patterns of toxic verbal abuse we can reclaim our right to healthy relating or keep an eye out for our friends and family members who may be in this type of terrible experience.

What are some key red flags to look for in relating between two people, and what happens when we are playing by different relationship rules that we weren't informed about?

Episode 42: Elements of Secure Relating

How do we know that we are in a relationship that is built on a foundation of secure relating?

What are some of the key aspects to help us navigate into the kind of healthy relationships we desire to have?

This episode explores some of the key elements that are consistent in relationships that have secure attachment at their core. Knowing this assists us in keeping relationships on track or side step finding ourselves stuck in avoidant/anxious relating with our partner for too long.

I hope you find this episode a helpful resource.

Episode 41: Rushing The Relationship

Missing out on true intimacy

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Sometimes in order to deal with the uncertainty of future relationship history, we rush at the beginning. The rushing is designed to reduce anxiety about the relationship and the person we have just begun with.

Rushing, however, creates a fantasy and a false intensity which can mean that we miss out on true intimacy having a chance to develop.

Slowing down, setting boundaries on how much time is spent together and not racing to claim relationship status can be important steps to developing a lasting relational platform.

We need to stay out of fantasy and prematurely making up long-term nesting plans as it keeps us out of the present and really getting to know another as they are.

Episode 40: They Aren't Going To Change

Can we take the necessary steps of courage on our own behalf?

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In this Episode we look at the desire we have for our partner to change and do something different. When are they going to be more loving, considerate and acknowledge how I feel?

Some people choose to hold onto a fantasy that their partner will change despite the everyday evidence that clearly shows nothing is different at all! Why hold onto a wishful desire that in time they will finally see the error of their ways and completely transform.

The likelihood of this is slim without engaging in some form of active, recovery, healing, self-development or recovery work. It can be painful to face reality but it is the gateway to a more wondrous, loving and fulfilling relationship experience.

Episode 39: Using your Relationship as a Crash Point

Bring your best self home

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Modern life is so demanding and we can get pulled in so many directions. As a result, we can unintentionally put our intimate relationship on the back burner.

We give all day to others and then come home and crash onto the couch, disappear into social media and forget to connect with the one we love most.

If we continue to use our home and our relationship as a place to go to shut down then ultimately our relationship will be at risk. We lose the spark as we are only giving our best selves to our customers and the big wide world. All we have left consistently for our partners is the crumbs.

We need to make sure we bring our best selves home once in a while like we did when the relationship began if we want to keep the stability and erotic alive!

Episode 34: Household CEO

Sharing joint leadership of the family home

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Modern relationships require new ways of thinking about old roles such as domestic responsibility, not to mention new approaches.

There are patterns that make healthy intimate relationships and healthy demonstrations to children. However overtly or covertly there exist dynamics that we can fall into that can erode long-term stability and erotic desire in intimate relationships.

Episode 34 is about sharing joint leadership and care of the family home, rather than always relying on one person in the partnership to inform the other of what needs to be done around the house.

Even if you are willing to help but rely on that to be directed by your partner this can still be a passion killer over time as one part of the partnership feels the sole burden of being responsible for the home.

This episode will assist in keeping health, stability and desire in your intimate relationship long term.

Episode 33: Boundaries Revisited

Healthy Vs Unhealthy Boundaries

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Episode 33 once again looks at boundaries as they are just such a central component to people dynamics.

Depending on the family system, the family culture you grew up in, you can develop a very different idea around boundaries compared to your romantic partner or work colleagues.

This episode explores some of the central elements and points of consideration so as to add to your existing understanding of what is a healthy boundary compared to unhealthy.

Understanding in this critical area of human interaction can really propel us forward into quality fulfilling relationships in every area of life. I hope you find that this episode provokes some contemplation on what you may have been taught directly or indirectly about boundaries in the past.

Episode 31: Self-Awareness and Relationships

Improving your self-awareness improves your life

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The one consistent element at the centre of all my relationships both successful and unsuccessful is me! One of the most dramatic ways to improve your life is to improve your self-awareness.

Episode 31 looks at a couple of key areas that can assist you in developing self-awareness so as to more effectively achieve goals, reduce recurring unpleasant dynamics with others and just enjoy life more.

We are with ourselves 24/7 so it makes absolute sense to know more about how we are presently putting the world together.

Episode 19: Settling For Emotional Crumbs

What are we tolerating in our lives as far as emotional treatment goes?

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Depending on our experiences growing up with Emotions and our families approach to dealing with feelings it will affect our adult lives.

If the bench mark for emotional attunement and nurture was low then we may be unwittingly settling for way less than we deserve because it is what is familiar to us even if it isn't pleasant!

What do we deserve? What are we allowing or not allowing when it comes to emotional literacy and our most central romantic and business relationships?

For many, adequate let alone effective emotional management is an area that we simply weren't taught as effectively as we could have been. Maybe it is time for an emotional inventory and review?

Episode 16: Creating Trust

When we feel psychologically safe, our best emerges.

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We can be so busy trying to appear confident and competent that we can forget how important it is to convey to others that we can be trusted. When we feel psychologically safe our best emerges, especially when mirrored and fostered by those around us.

Episode 16 looks at some of the measurable touch points that allow us to create and foster trust. Through following these frameworks our colleagues and partners know we can be relied upon. It also provides a measurable focus through which we can determine if those around us are worthy of our trust.

This Episode borrows from the ideas of Harvard Professor Amy Cuddy author of Presence and leading Vulnerability researcher Brené Brown Phd author of such books as Daring Greatly amongst other ideas.

Episode 15: Keeping Desire Alive for Busy Couples

How do we continue to allow love to grow without killing the fires of passion or dulling them in constant demands of our lives?

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There is so much pressure these days on us and life can place a lot of demands. Added to this is the changing landscape of modern relationships that require a different approach to continue to stay fresh, alive and invigorated!

Episode 15 looks at what couples need to focus on to continue to thrive in relationship whilst building and running businesses. Love is in part about dependability and stability. Desire is about novelty and mystery. 

A small shift in focus and attention can really provide amazing rewards in our most intimate of relationships! To have the ability to renew and invigorate on an ongoing basis in relationship is so powerful!

Episode 14: Knowing Your Adult Attachment Style

The strength of I emerges from a strong foundation of us!

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How is it that our relationships, in particular, our primary romantic ones can be our greatest source strength or greatest source of pain.

Episode 14 explores attachment theory and adult bonding. This episode draws from an amazing book on relationship dynamics Attached - The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it can help you find - and keep - love.

I was both elated and struck with grief when I came across this information and its ability to illuminate some of my past relationship dynamics. Knowing whether you have traits of secure, anxious or avoidant attachment can go along way in creating deeply stable relationships and understanding that we don't all have the same capacity for intimacy.

Episode 10: Embracing Rejection

How do we become the kind of person who says yes to the experience of people saying no to us!

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This podcast looks at providing strategies around the effective management of our responses when others turn us down! 

Handling rejection is one of the key success elements for achieving our precious dreams and goals. Rejection can actually be a vital step forward in getting where we want to go so you could be missing out if you try to sidestep it. 

Learning how to neutralise our responses to being rejected can release so much stress and anxiety! I hope you enjoy the episode as much as I enjoyed making it!