Episode 105: Red Flags Early in Dating

Early warnings signs for potentially abusive relationships

The early stages of dating can be an amazing time full of optimism and hope for the future! Finding a partner that enriches our life is the ideal!

However, for some, they can find that what began so amazingly has turned into a nightmare where they are left wondering how did we get here and when will the person I first fell in love with be returning?

Abusive dynamics tend not to show themselves early, in fact, on the surface, everything can look amazing.

However, there are certain red flags that might help you to see that this person may actually be toxic for you and therefore allowing you to avoid a really painful relationship. 

This episode looks at some of the warning signs that may suggest that you slow things down, dig deeper, seek advice or move on. 

Episode 95: Abuser Mindset and Entitlement

Understanding the role of entitlement in the abuser’s mindset

Abusive behaviour and mindset in Intimate Relationships is highly complex and certainly not always well understood! The more insight and clarity we have the more effective our interventions can become.

When it comes to romantic relationships, abuse dynamics stem from beliefs, attitudes and thinking patterns that are often underpinned with a sense of justification and entitlement:

‘If you don't submit to my power and control then I am entitled to utilise whatever tactics I deem necessary to make that happen.’

‘No matter what is going on as an abuser, my needs getting met come first! You need to focus on me whenever I want you to focus on me. What you want and need are not as important as what I want and need!’

‘I am entitled to forgiveness, I am entitled to control how you think and behave!’

Of course, the list goes on!

There are a number of foundational elements that make up the abuser mindset and in this episode, we look at the element of entitlement. As I have mentioned before there are a number of exceptional resources in this area. I certainly recommend a look at the work of people like Lundy Bancroft, George Simon, Jerry Wise, Ann Jones and Susan Schechter and there are many more. All these experts bring elements and expertise to areas that help us all move into better relating.

Episode 93: The Seduction Of The Abuser

The ups & downs of the cycle of abuse

The abuse cycle can be confusing as it can consist of periods of relative peace between partners and in the household in general. The calm before the next storm can lull us into a false sense of hope that things may finally be getting better.

Part of skilled abusers keeping us plugged in is the fostering of false hope and keeping us believing if we just try harder, just love them more, just give in to more of their demands it will all change.

This episode looks at the ups and downs of the cycle. It can be very confusing to love someone and be genuinely afraid of them at the same time. A vast array of emotional responses regarding one's partner in these extreme situations can definitely be part of the relational landscape.

Hopefully, this episode helps to point out areas of focus and provide some clarity.

Episode 47: Identifying Emotional Abuse

Identify toxic patterns in relationships

When we look at abuse in relationships there can be both physical and non-physical. Both are stunningly toxic and damaging!

In this episode, we look at continuing to develop our understanding of the impact of non-physical abuse because it is so pervasive. Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse, but episode 47 looks at the often more subtle abusive patterns that over time erode our self-belief, self-trust and self-esteem. This can leave us feeling unloveable.

When we can identify these toxic patterns, such as the various ways in which our partner can withhold from us to modify our behaviour, we can make changes and set boundaries.

Through identifying emotional abuse patterns we can begin to heal and move towards healthy, joyous, loving connection in relationships.

Trigger Warning: Some people may find some of this episode confronting, please make sure you seek appropriate support.