Episode 95: Abuser Mindset and Entitlement

Understanding the role of entitlement in the abuser’s mindset

Abusive behaviour and mindset in Intimate Relationships is highly complex and certainly not always well understood! The more insight and clarity we have the more effective our interventions can become.

When it comes to romantic relationships, abuse dynamics stem from beliefs, attitudes and thinking patterns that are often underpinned with a sense of justification and entitlement:

‘If you don't submit to my power and control then I am entitled to utilise whatever tactics I deem necessary to make that happen.’

‘No matter what is going on as an abuser, my needs getting met come first! You need to focus on me whenever I want you to focus on me. What you want and need are not as important as what I want and need!’

‘I am entitled to forgiveness, I am entitled to control how you think and behave!’

Of course, the list goes on!

There are a number of foundational elements that make up the abuser mindset and in this episode, we look at the element of entitlement. As I have mentioned before there are a number of exceptional resources in this area. I certainly recommend a look at the work of people like Lundy Bancroft, George Simon, Jerry Wise, Ann Jones and Susan Schechter and there are many more. All these experts bring elements and expertise to areas that help us all move into better relating.

Episode 93: The Seduction Of The Abuser

The ups & downs of the cycle of abuse

The abuse cycle can be confusing as it can consist of periods of relative peace between partners and in the household in general. The calm before the next storm can lull us into a false sense of hope that things may finally be getting better.

Part of skilled abusers keeping us plugged in is the fostering of false hope and keeping us believing if we just try harder, just love them more, just give in to more of their demands it will all change.

This episode looks at the ups and downs of the cycle. It can be very confusing to love someone and be genuinely afraid of them at the same time. A vast array of emotional responses regarding one's partner in these extreme situations can definitely be part of the relational landscape.

Hopefully, this episode helps to point out areas of focus and provide some clarity.

Episode 92: Narcissistic Abusers Vs Abusers

Understanding the abusive mindset in intimate relationships

Clarity and education are so important when dealing with challenging people! If we can't understand the behaviours we are looking at, we can make excuses and justifications for poor behaviour.

Does our intimate partner appear to only have entitlement and control issues with us or do the consequences of their belief in their own superiority create issues right across all areas of their life?

Does my partner only appear to lose control when dealing with me but doesn't appear to be overly combative when it comes to dealing with everyone else?

This episode explores some more of the abusive mindset in intimate relationships and seeks to help with a greater understanding of what might actually be going on.

Episode 61: Uncovering Covert Narcissism

Learn to identify covert narcissists and take back control

Most people have some familiarity with more overt narcissistic behaviour. Covert narcissism however can be so much harder to spot and yet just as damaging to those on the receiving end.

Covert narcissism can slip under the radar and even though you feel something isn't right, it is a struggle to identify the toxic behaviour. This toxic behaviour can be so subtle and sophisticated.

Having further insight into what to look out for can really help you begin to take some level of control back in the dynamics and hold your space in a healthy way.

Dealing with any type of Narcissistic wound can be challenging, so education is a great resource.

Episode 60: Narcissist in the Family

How to deal with Narcissistic relatives

It can be so challenging and confronting to have to deal continually with someone with Narcissistic wounding because they happen to be in our family! Each family system is different, however there are some steps to take to help with managing yourself through what can be an extremely challenging dynamic.

We need to understand the strategies employed by our particular narcissistic and which of those strategies we are most reactive to.

Our best opportunity is to not look to change the narcissist but rather to change our reactions in relation to dealing with them. I truly hope this episode helps you to form an approach to better achieve that.

I would also like to acknowledge the work of Relationship expert Jerry Wise whose ideas helped  contribute to this episode and Feedspot for nominating the Sean Healy "Tools" and Emergence Training as one of the top 15 podcast resources on the net in relation to Narcissism.

Episode 55: Red Flags For Possible Narcs and Abusers

Early warning signs to look out for

It can be so valuable to be able to spot potential trouble early on in the form of a Narcissist, Social Psychopath or someone with control issues. These dynamics don't often emerge until they have us hooked in but there are certain early warning signs to look out for.

I personally have had challenges with such people both in my personal and professional life. I would have loved to have known more about some of these dynamics earlier in my life!

I hope this episode is interesting and helpful for you!

Episode 53: Working With Narcs

How to respond to narcissistic behaviour in the workplace

Working with Narcissists can be a bewildering and painful experience. Narcissism is a spectrum and dealing with those that demonstrate consistent adaptive disfunction can really make your work life extremely challenging.

Through understanding a little more about Narcs (Narcissists) and what patterns they often display allows you to form a strategy to respond rather than react. Often not getting hooked into their game, managing your own emotional responses to them and having a sense of humour become really powerful!

Episode 53 offers insights into what to look for and how to best respond when confronted with extreme narcissistic behaviour in the workplace.

Episode 49: Adult Children Raised By Narcissists Pt II

Understand the challenges and how to heal

The whole challenge of having been exposed to Narcissistic behaviour through a parent as a child is such a complex area.

Certain coping responses get employed often just to survive especially if the parent is on the extreme end of the spectrum.

As a result, the adult child can have some unique challenges to overcome in order to embrace their own life and have healthy and loving relationships.

When we have been consistently shamed, told we don't measure up, shown little empathy and emotional understanding it can leave us vulnerable to attracting in toxic people into our adult experience.

This episode looks at some of the challenges facing those that grew up in a household affected by Narcissism and what needs to be done to heal from such an experience.

Another challenging episode to hear for some but so important to recover and the reclaiming of self.

Episode 48: Adult Children Raised By Narcissists Part I

Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic parenting

Narcissism is challenging at the best of times to deal with let alone having been raised by a parent on the Narcissism spectrum.

In order to accommodate the narcissistic parent, the child must learn to adapt and mould to what it perceives are the parent's expectations. If not, the consequences can be severe! However part of maintaining a perceived position of superiority for the narcissist is that strategies are employed to see the child never measures up.

This continued message of never being enough can result in challenging consequences later in life. 

Through understanding more of the dynamic and its potential consequences a person who had to endure this upbringing can begin to recover and take control of their lives. 

A possibly challenging episode for some to hear but important for healing!