Episode 41: Rushing The Relationship

Missing out on true intimacy

Sometimes in order to deal with the uncertainty of future relationship history, we rush at the beginning. The rushing is designed to reduce anxiety about the relationship and the person we have just begun with.

Rushing, however, creates a fantasy and a false intensity which can mean that we miss out on true intimacy having a chance to develop.

Slowing down, setting boundaries on how much time is spent together and not racing to claim relationship status can be important steps to developing a lasting relational platform.

We need to stay out of fantasy and prematurely making up long-term nesting plans as it keeps us out of the present and really getting to know another as they are.

Episode 40: They Aren't Going To Change

Can we take the necessary steps of courage on our own behalf?

In this Episode we look at the desire we have for our partner to change and do something different. When are they going to be more loving, considerate and acknowledge how I feel?

Some people choose to hold onto a fantasy that their partner will change despite the everyday evidence that clearly shows nothing is different at all! Why hold onto a wishful desire that in time they will finally see the error of their ways and completely transform.

The likelihood of this is slim without engaging in some form of active, recovery, healing, self-development or recovery work. It can be painful to face reality but it is the gateway to a more wondrous, loving and fulfilling relationship experience.

Episode 39: Using your Relationship as a Crash Point

Bring your best self home

Modern life is so demanding and we can get pulled in so many directions. As a result, we can unintentionally put our intimate relationship on the back burner.

We give all day to others and then come home and crash onto the couch, disappear into social media and forget to connect with the one we love most.

If we continue to use our home and our relationship as a place to go to shut down then ultimately our relationship will be at risk. We lose the spark as we are only giving our best selves to our customers and the big wide world. All we have left consistently for our partners is the crumbs.

We need to make sure we bring our best selves home once in a while like we did when the relationship began if we want to keep the stability and erotic alive!

Episode 34: Household CEO

Sharing joint leadership of the family home

Modern relationships require new ways of thinking about old roles such as domestic responsibility, not to mention new approaches.

There are patterns that make healthy intimate relationships and healthy demonstrations to children. However overtly or covertly there exist dynamics that we can fall into that can erode long-term stability and erotic desire in intimate relationships.

Episode 34 is about sharing joint leadership and care of the family home, rather than always relying on one person in the partnership to inform the other of what needs to be done around the house.

Even if you are willing to help but rely on that to be directed by your partner this can still be a passion killer over time as one part of the partnership feels the sole burden of being responsible for the home.

This episode will assist in keeping health, stability and desire in your intimate relationship long term.

Episode 19: Settling For Emotional Crumbs

What are we tolerating in our lives as far as emotional treatment goes?

Depending on our experiences growing up with Emotions and our families approach to dealing with feelings it will affect our adult lives.

If the bench mark for emotional attunement and nurture was low then we may be unwittingly settling for way less than we deserve because it is what is familiar to us even if it isn't pleasant!

What do we deserve? What are we allowing or not allowing when it comes to emotional literacy and our most central romantic and business relationships?

For many, adequate let alone effective emotional management is an area that we simply weren't taught as effectively as we could have been. Maybe it is time for an emotional inventory and review?

Episode 15: Keeping Desire Alive for Busy Couples

How do we continue to allow love to grow without killing the fires of passion or dulling them in constant demands of our lives?

There is so much pressure these days on us and life can place a lot of demands. Added to this is the changing landscape of modern relationships that require a different approach to continue to stay fresh, alive and invigorated!

Episode 15 looks at what couples need to focus on to continue to thrive in relationship whilst building and running businesses. Love is in part about dependability and stability. Desire is about novelty and mystery. 

A small shift in focus and attention can really provide amazing rewards in our most intimate of relationships! To have the ability to renew and invigorate on an ongoing basis in relationship is so powerful!

Episode 14: Knowing Your Adult Attachment Style

The strength of I emerges from a strong foundation of us!

How is it that our relationships, in particular, our primary romantic ones can be our greatest source strength or greatest source of pain.

Episode 14 explores attachment theory and adult bonding. This episode draws from an amazing book on relationship dynamics Attached - The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it can help you find - and keep - love.

I was both elated and struck with grief when I came across this information and its ability to illuminate some of my past relationship dynamics. Knowing whether you have traits of secure, anxious or avoidant attachment can go along way in creating deeply stable relationships and understanding that we don't all have the same capacity for intimacy.

Episode 06: Relationship Success Patterns Part II

Knowing what works and what doesn’t work helps to safe guard relationship success, and optimises the chances of wonderful partnerships.

This episode follows on from Episode 5 but takes a turn by looking at relationship patterns that disconnect us, frustrate us and despite good intention lead to relationship demise.

This episode combines a number of influences such as Dr John Gottman, author of The Relationship Cure with Joan DeClaire. Nita Tucker the author of Beyond Cinderella, How to Find the Man of Your Dreams and Marry Him, has some great insights into patterns that don’t work. Esther Perel author of Mating in Captivity ideas also influence this podcast and many others.

Episode 05: Relationship Success Patterns

Success in modern relationships requires new focus and understanding.

Drawing form those that have gone before us is of limited value as the world around us is constantly changing.

This podcast focuses on looking at some of the patterns of behaviour that create success in our romantic relationships.

Drawing inspiration and knowledge from people like Esther Perel a 30 year veteran in couples counselling and author of  Mating in Captivity (Unlocking Erotic Intelligence) to provide supportive insights into relationship success.

This episode aims to bring some new focus, and challenge outdated assumptions.

Episode 04: Understanding Emotional Bids

Emotional Bids are the ways in which we reach out for emotional connection from others.

It is a central component to why any relationship with another can continue to grow or dissolve.

Emotional Bids go back and forth between individuals all the time and how you respond or others respond to you is vital to relationship health. Knowing this essential concept can support your intimate primary relationship, business relationships and friendships.

Emotional Bids are part of the work of relationship researcher Dr John Gottman, author of the book The Relationship Cure written with Joan DeClaire. 

Anyone wanting to create better connections in their lives need to know about managing Emotional Bids.