Articles
The family system is more important than any of its individual parts. At least that is the message that we continually get directly or indirectly growing up. It consists of the unconscious rules, roles, beliefs, feelings and behaviours collected through growing up.
The kind of relationship quality that the parents had during those early years greatly impacts the foundation on which the family system develops.
I could never understand how I could have such a seemingly ideal childhood and yet my life ends up a mess! What was wrong with me? How with all the advantages that I received could I not pull my life together? I had addiction issues, money issues, poor relationships, chronic anxiety and low self esteem.
Later when I became successful, promoted at work, buying shares, married and having investment properties I still felt like a failure and a fraud. What was wrong with me that I wasn’t able to appreciate my opportunities and how lucky I was. I was finally achieving the things that I thought I was supposed to and yet I felt like I was choking.
If life growing up in your family meant that you had one or both parents unable to emotionally connect with you, frequently absent and unavailable then you might relate to what I want to discuss.
Emotional neglect has many symptoms and one of those is settling for emotional crumbs in our relationships. Crumbs are small portions or scraps and if you have been starved of emotional connection most of your life you will gratefully take what you can get.
If you are a person who experiences symptoms of Emotional Neglect, it can be quite baffling at times. Having experienced as a child the consistent mismanagement of our feelings by our parents can have tremendous impact in adulthood.
Emotional neglect stems from what wasn’t present in our childhoods rather than what did happen. What didn’t happen in the way of emotional validation, nurture, education and support. Many adults are trying to make themselves happy having been raised with little to no emotional literacy!
There is a mountain of great material available in the self development community and the really good bits tend to stay with you.
The concept of the “Absolute Yes!” is one such workable platform to really assist in moving forward in life and making effective decisions.
The idea is that if there is anything you are considering in your life and it doesn’t absolutely light you up and excite you then leave it alone! Pretty good is still a no!
