Episode 48: Adult Children Raised By Narcissists Part I

Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic parenting

Narcissism is challenging at the best of times to deal with let alone having been raised by a parent on the Narcissism spectrum.

In order to accommodate the narcissistic parent, the child must learn to adapt and mould to what it perceives are the parent's expectations. If not, the consequences can be severe! However part of maintaining a perceived position of superiority for the narcissist is that strategies are employed to see the child never measures up.

This continued message of never being enough can result in challenging consequences later in life. 

Through understanding more of the dynamic and its potential consequences a person who had to endure this upbringing can begin to recover and take control of their lives. 

A possibly challenging episode for some to hear but important for healing!

Episode 47: Identifying Emotional Abuse

Identify toxic patterns in relationships

When we look at abuse in relationships there can be both physical and non-physical. Both are stunningly toxic and damaging!

In this episode, we look at continuing to develop our understanding of the impact of non-physical abuse because it is so pervasive. Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse, but episode 47 looks at the often more subtle abusive patterns that over time erode our self-belief, self-trust and self-esteem. This can leave us feeling unloveable.

When we can identify these toxic patterns, such as the various ways in which our partner can withhold from us to modify our behaviour, we can make changes and set boundaries.

Through identifying emotional abuse patterns we can begin to heal and move towards healthy, joyous, loving connection in relationships.

Trigger Warning: Some people may find some of this episode confronting, please make sure you seek appropriate support.

Episode 46: Facing Shame

Facing & moving through toxic shame

This episode is by audience request. How do we face toxic shame and continue to move forward in our lives. Toxic Shame is where we take the feelings of shame and we collapse it into our identity. I have an uncomfortable feeling of wrongness becomes "I am wrong!"

When we begin to feel that we are wrong or we are driven to avoid this feeling it can really dictate our choices and actions in life. Shame survives by hiding and can pull us away from having the kind of joyful life and relationship experiences that we want and deserve!

I hope you find this episode helpful and offers you extra insight into self-support.

Episode 45: Parenting Awareness

Honouring the authenticity of our child

The parenting journey is so amazing and challenging at the same time and I can't think of a greater self-development course than embarking on the journey of raising a child!

This episode is designed to support parents and further champion children by inviting parents to examine their own childhood experiences. The more aware we are of the reality of what we experienced growing up the more conscious rather than reactive our parenting becomes.

We need to look with honesty and balance at what went on and how it may be biasing our parenting in a way that is not allowing us to honour the authenticity of our child.

It is hard to acknowledge our child's emotions if we didn't get much of that as a child. It is challenging to allow a child to be who they are if we grew up in a family with very strong ideas of expectation of who we should be to gain approval.

The more aware we are as parents of our drivers them more fulfilling, enriching and wonderous our relationships with our children can be!

Episode 44: Moving Towards Functional Adult

Benchmarks in developing our sense of healthy functional self

How do we esteem with greater effectiveness and acknowledge our innate worth?

When we are able to operate from a place of functional adult our relationships improve and deepen. This focus is just as valuable when considering improving business relationships as it is in our personal lives.

Some of our past experiences and conditioning has caused us to lose sight of our inborn value. When we devalue self, we set a precedent for others to do the same.

Functional adulting is something we do and when we understand more about what it involves to embrace this life improves. I hope you find the episode thought provoking!

Episode 43: Understanding Verbal Abuse

Elements that make up Verbal Abuse in relationships

Verbal like physical abuse happens behind closed doors and the victim can feel isolated, confused and as if they somehow are to blame.

This episode uses Patricia Evans' insightful book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" as a reference and a resource.

Through understanding some of the patterns of toxic verbal abuse we can reclaim our right to healthy relating or keep an eye out for our friends and family members who may be in this type of terrible experience.

What are some key red flags to look for in relating between two people, and what happens when we are playing by different relationship rules that we weren't informed about?

Episode 42: Elements of Secure Relating

How do we know that we are in a relationship that is built on a foundation of secure relating?

What are some of the key aspects to help us navigate into the kind of healthy relationships we desire to have?

This episode explores some of the key elements that are consistent in relationships that have secure attachment at their core. Knowing this assists us in keeping relationships on track or side step finding ourselves stuck in avoidant/anxious relating with our partner for too long.

I hope you find this episode a helpful resource.

Episode 41: Rushing The Relationship

Missing out on true intimacy

Sometimes in order to deal with the uncertainty of future relationship history, we rush at the beginning. The rushing is designed to reduce anxiety about the relationship and the person we have just begun with.

Rushing, however, creates a fantasy and a false intensity which can mean that we miss out on true intimacy having a chance to develop.

Slowing down, setting boundaries on how much time is spent together and not racing to claim relationship status can be important steps to developing a lasting relational platform.

We need to stay out of fantasy and prematurely making up long-term nesting plans as it keeps us out of the present and really getting to know another as they are.

Episode 40: They Aren't Going To Change

Can we take the necessary steps of courage on our own behalf?

In this Episode we look at the desire we have for our partner to change and do something different. When are they going to be more loving, considerate and acknowledge how I feel?

Some people choose to hold onto a fantasy that their partner will change despite the everyday evidence that clearly shows nothing is different at all! Why hold onto a wishful desire that in time they will finally see the error of their ways and completely transform.

The likelihood of this is slim without engaging in some form of active, recovery, healing, self-development or recovery work. It can be painful to face reality but it is the gateway to a more wondrous, loving and fulfilling relationship experience.

Episode 39: Using your Relationship as a Crash Point

Bring your best self home

Modern life is so demanding and we can get pulled in so many directions. As a result, we can unintentionally put our intimate relationship on the back burner.

We give all day to others and then come home and crash onto the couch, disappear into social media and forget to connect with the one we love most.

If we continue to use our home and our relationship as a place to go to shut down then ultimately our relationship will be at risk. We lose the spark as we are only giving our best selves to our customers and the big wide world. All we have left consistently for our partners is the crumbs.

We need to make sure we bring our best selves home once in a while like we did when the relationship began if we want to keep the stability and erotic alive!

Episode 38: The Joy of Family Business

Key areas of challenge that family businesses face

If done well a family business can be a fantastic experience! We generally tend to spend more time with those we work with than anyone else. Why not spend it with those you love!

However there can be challenges and risks when we combine family dynamics with the stress and pressure of business. 

It is so important to take the family out of family business at certain times and stick with professional behaviour.

If we can do this we increase the chance of creating healthy, loving, thriving businesses and enjoying family at the same time.

Enjoy!

Episode 37: Sufficiency

What if you knew you were already enough as you were right now?

How would that inform your decisions about yourself and your business?

When we come from the myth of scarcity it can drive us to operate in ways that are selfish, short-sighted and problematic.

As someone who has been driven by the idea of not being good enough and not having enough for most of my life, it is truly exhausting. Scarcity has at times robbed me of true joy and creativity.

This episode begins to explore the idea of sufficiency, inspired by the likes of Philanthropist and futurist Buckminster "Bucky" Fuller and a couple of his students, Marshall Thurber and Lynne Twist.

The paradigms of business and life are generally moving towards more informed views and global inclusiveness. I am enough and so are you! Enjoy!

Episode 36: Part II More Resources on Modern Parenting

Keep the parent/child connection strong

Keeping our attachment bond strong with our children is central to the health of the parent/child relationship. Without healthy attachment, every aspect of parenting and guiding young people to developmental maturity becomes so much harder.

This Episode continues on form Episode 35 and heavily utilises the ideas put forward in the amazing book for parents "Hold on to your Kids" Why parents need to matter more than peers by Gordon Neufeld Ph.d and Gabor Mate Ph.d.

This episode looks at some of the approaches that can help keep connection strong in the face of so many other elements of modern culture competing for the attention of our children.

A valuable episode for any parent, I hope you enjoy!

Episode 35: More Resources on Modern Parenting

Understanding attachment bonds with children

Parenting is challenging, especially with all the external demands that you face that can take away from precious time with children. 

This episode explores and helps you develop a little more understanding around attachment bonds with children. It also addresses a style of parenting approach that will help to really support healthy attachment for children compared to what can take away from healthy attachment.

Any information and increased understanding on the behalf of parents when it comes to supporting the development of healthy, resilient children has got to be valuable not only to the child but the parent as well. When we feel that we understand what is presenting then we move with greater assuredness and confidence, thus adding to our parenting.

Episode 34: Household CEO

Sharing joint leadership of the family home

Modern relationships require new ways of thinking about old roles such as domestic responsibility, not to mention new approaches.

There are patterns that make healthy intimate relationships and healthy demonstrations to children. However overtly or covertly there exist dynamics that we can fall into that can erode long-term stability and erotic desire in intimate relationships.

Episode 34 is about sharing joint leadership and care of the family home, rather than always relying on one person in the partnership to inform the other of what needs to be done around the house.

Even if you are willing to help but rely on that to be directed by your partner this can still be a passion killer over time as one part of the partnership feels the sole burden of being responsible for the home.

This episode will assist in keeping health, stability and desire in your intimate relationship long term.

Episode 33: Boundaries Revisited

Healthy Vs Unhealthy Boundaries

Episode 33 once again looks at boundaries as they are just such a central component to people dynamics.

Depending on the family system, the family culture you grew up in, you can develop a very different idea around boundaries compared to your romantic partner or work colleagues.

This episode explores some of the central elements and points of consideration so as to add to your existing understanding of what is a healthy boundary compared to unhealthy.

Understanding in this critical area of human interaction can really propel us forward into quality fulfilling relationships in every area of life. I hope you find that this episode provokes some contemplation on what you may have been taught directly or indirectly about boundaries in the past.

Episode 32: Self-Awareness and Business Intelligence

The fundamentals of creating a successful business

Marty Vids is back on the program for this episode. I have heard of him being described as the Happy Entrepreneur which I think is very fitting! Apart from his integrity he has the results on the board having build three businesses from start up to a million dollars turn over a year after tax! Less than 3% of small business owners in Australia achieve that once let alone 3 times!

In this episode we cover a wide range of elements fundamental to creating a successful business, interacting with others, managing set backs and mastering adversity. Marty has a wealth of knowledge and insight to share around modern business, you will really enjoy and take away value form this episode!

Episode 31: Self-Awareness and Relationships

Improving your self-awareness improves your life

The one consistent element at the centre of all my relationships both successful and unsuccessful is me! One of the most dramatic ways to improve your life is to improve your self-awareness.

Episode 31 looks at a couple of key areas that can assist you in developing self-awareness so as to more effectively achieve goals, reduce recurring unpleasant dynamics with others and just enjoy life more.

We are with ourselves 24/7 so it makes absolute sense to know more about how we are presently putting the world together.

Episode 30: Toxic Behaviour at Work

Types of toxic behaviour that play out in workplaces

Dysfunctional behaviour in the workplace can have such a detrimental effect on the culture of a workplace, the sense of psychological safety of staff and ultimately the productivity of the business.

In Episode 30 we explore some of the types of toxic behaviour that play out in workplaces. Through having knowledge and being able to identify exactly what is going on we are able to employ effective remedies.

To be in an environment where bullying, belittling and criticism are the norm can be so deflating to a person and really affect quality of life!

Just because certain behaviours are common doesn't make them functional or in the best interest of the business and the individuals within the business.

Two resources drawn from for this Episode are: Running On Empty by Jonice Webb and Taming Toxic People by David Gillespie. Both books are great reads!

Episode 29: Communication Hierarchy and Business

Communicate effectively in a business hierarchy

Following on from the last few episodes that have looked at soft skills and their importance particularly in business, Episode 29 looks at what is needed to communicate effectively in a business hierarchy.

What is required to be more effective at communicating Up the business chain, lateral to yourself or to those whom you direct and lead? How do we make sure we are taking into consideration the scope of responsibility and motivational drivers of others especially when they are different to ours yet we work together?

This episode is useful for people who work in environments that have a formal hierarchy as well as those that have an informal hierarchy or more level based business structure.

These are principles that will help you stay relevant, be effective and get noticed!